How to Start a Book Blog in 5 Easy Steps

February 20, 2015 Tutorial 50

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Alise and I have been blogging for a long time now. A very long time indeed. Why, I can remember when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was carving my thoughts about the latest addition to the library of Alexandria onto a stone tablet. Every night we force ourselves to the dusty computer desks, our knuckles cracking as we churn out our next post. Once or twice we’ve even had a heart attack because we got to excited about some awesome blog post we read. It’s surprising we haven’t started haunting authors from the grave yet. You can bet our brains almost disintegrated when we came up with the concept for this feature (thought up by me, of course. I am the brains of the operation. Alise is the slave driver and Rachel’s the pretty new face)

What’s it all about? Well, since we’re old, grumpy crones who have collected a lot of knowledge about blogging over the years, we thought we might share some of our wisdom. It’s time to pass down the tradition and tell you the secrets ways of all that is blogging. You’d be crazy not to follow these tips. They’ve lead to our success of dominating the blogosphere. Soon we will be big enough to conquer the world!

**Now, I have stress: THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS POST. This feature is meant to be ridiculous and not actually helpful in any way. It’s just a bit of fun and an excuse for me to unleash the crazy in my brain. None of the advice given in this feature should be taken as Gospel, nor should you believe some of comments I make in jest**

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How to Conquer the Book Blogging World.

(A.K.A How One Starts a Book Blog)

Step 1: Choose a platform

The very first decision one must make as a prospective blogger is the means by which one will spread their message. There’s sites like Tumblr which will trap you in its sticky web and never release you. Blogger is a option for those cheapskates and halfwits. WordPress is where the cool kids with money are at, utilising all the plugins at their disposal to collect readers brains. You could choose the really old skill option of the flayed skin of your enemies, it certainly gets people’s attention. Whatever you choose, it is vital you choose something you like as it is the scaffold you must use to become one hell of a blogger.

onehellofa blogger

 

Step 2: Stalk your favourite bloggers

The blogging community is BIG. If you want to make it to the top, you need to follow everyone. Hunt down their address, stakeout their house. Follow them around for days and weeks. Watch them in their natural habitats. Learn the secrets to their success and take them as your own. Discover their weaknesses and save them. You’ll need those later to pull them from their pedestal so you can be top blogger.

undertaker

 

Step 3: Sell your soul to obtain the perfect design

A good design is vital. People judge a blog’s design just like they’d judge a book cover. If your blog does not conform to the communities standards of beauty you will turn a lot of potential minions away. Sell your soul to ensure your blogs appearance is as captivating as possible. Minions eyes should never leave the screen. Their gaze should be trapped and held until the end of time.

bassylick

 

Step 4: Force your opinions on others

Time to start posting! Write reviews, discussion post, propaganda. Your opinion is the one and only and all minions should follow. Subliminal messages and some brain washing is an essential part of your posts to ensure readers will stay on your blog and ignore competitors. You are the one and only Booktator. If anyone threatens your dominance of the blogosphere they must be swiflty dealt with. None must question your rule.

threat

 

Step 5: Gather your army

With the posts and brain washing comes your minions. Constantly post good content to draw more people to your blog. Do not let them leave. Coerce your competitor’s followers to follow you. Use any and all methods at your disposal to convince the reluctant ones. Bribes, threats, and hostage taking are all acceptable means of building your readership.

cielgun

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Posts that will actually help you:

– Why You Should Start a Book Blog | Happy Indulgence
– 24 Things No One Ever Tells You About Book Blogging | Novel Sounds
– How to Start a Book Blog #1: Setting Up the Blog | Awesome Book Assessment
– So You Want to be a Book Blogger | Lit Up Review
– How to Start a Book Blog | The Guardian
– Starting a Book Blog | Compelled By Books (Tumblr directed)
– FAQ: Book Blogging, Reviews, ARCs, and More! | awordshaker (also Tumblr directed but still good tips)

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So what do you think of our new feature? Again, I remind you it’s just a bit of crazy fun! None of our tips are to be taken seriously. If you want helpful tips when it comes to starting a book blog see the links above.

Do you have any tips for prospective book bloggers?

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50 Responses to “How to Start a Book Blog in 5 Easy Steps”

    • Bec

      No worries!

      I’m glad you like the Booktator title. I told Alise she should put it in the banner but she didn’t believe me when I told her it was awesome. How silly of her.

    • Bec

      I used one then decided to roll with them for the entire post haha. And I had to throw in a “one hell of a blogger” because of it XD

      I’m hoping to do more of these more often! The crazy, random, hilarious posts are so much fun.

  1. Nickole Jean

    Hahaahah, i loked the disclaimer at the beginning. I thought it was funny, because I got some new perspectives on book blogging. Though it’s not serious, it’s kind of helpful too. Thanks also for te links you provided, I clicked all of them and I’m checking them out right now.

    • Bec

      The basis of the tips are genuine. I just took them in a crazy direction XD

      I hope you can find some useful things in the links!

    • Bec

      SO much fun planning it! Can’t wait to start planning the next one.

      Having fun is the most important thing when it comes to any hobby you decided to start!

    • Bec

      It was so hard to find gifs that matched some of the points because I was trying to stick with the same show. Glad they all worked out well!

    • Bec

      Hey, people donate their skin for tattoos. Surely they won’t object to having it taken for blogging :P

      Yay! I’m hoping to start planning the next one soon :)

    • Bec

      *cackles* On the surface this must appear somewhat helpful. But really it’s not. I’m glad you got my humour! Not everyone understands.

    • Bec

      What is this drama? What could ever go wrong with stalking? It’s such a good past time. Who could object :P

      I don’t know why you’d ever look elsewhere for tips. Everything you need is right here.

  2. Kelly

    It’s totally true, I’m a cheapskate and halfwit but really happy with Blogger. Bloody WordPress yuppies and your fancy words. Think you’re all that *waves hand about clicking fingers*

    I can’t even begin to tell you how many cars I’ve had to rent after obtaining a background check, I’m actually even on the road now. Just stopped to comment. I contacted a third party and now have Bec’s address. Put the kettle on, I’m coming to sort through your mail and check out the pet situation.

    Sadly I don’t think the perfect design exists, might just be because I’m a dumbass still on Blogger though. Eight makeovers in just over two years, pretty sure I have a problem.

    I LOOOOVE this! It better become a regular thing *shakes fist in threatening manner* <3
    Kelly recently posted…A Small Madness by Dianne Touchell

    • Bec

      I’m sure there’s a plugin that I could use to tape your mouth shut. How dare you say such things about us superior bloggers!

      You’ll be disappointed. There’s a cat that doesn’t shut up and the only mail I get is random catalogue (and the occasional Horseland one I don’t mind)

      Oh there is the perfect design out there. The quality of the design depends on the fraction of soul you sell. Sooner or there you’ll have sold enough to get the best one. You’re new design is quite close, I must admit.

      I’m really hoping it becomes a regular thing! Just have to come up with more topics and find time to get into the crazy head space to write it :D

  3. Anna @ Cool Girls Read Too

    LOL, great post! This is one of my favourite blogs, and I stalk you guys regularly. Yup. Cat’s out of the bag. Don’t worry, no plans of an overthrow here! More everyone drinking coffee or hot chocolate discussing books, perhaps wearing crowns or tiara’s of some sort. xD
    Anna @ Cool Girls Read Too recently posted…Is it really a review?

    • Bec

      I like this plab. Though I’ll have to keep a close eye on you. Can’t have you slipping something into our hot chocolates so you can steal our throne :P

    • Bec

      Yay! More is definitely on the way (though it might be a bit of a longer wait than anticipated because we’re ridiculously far ahead with scheduling)

  4. Watt;e

    Oooh so this is how it goes, huh? :P My blog is getting a new theme soon, I hope it reaches the community’s standards of prettiness ;)

    The word Booktator reminded me of potato gems and now I just want to read and eat those *sigh* I don’t understand my mind sometimes.
    Watt;e recently posted…Showcase Sunday #22

    • Bec

      It is! Most of the big blogs people name are all hosted on WordPress… Maybe owning WordPress is the main key to taking over the blogging world :P

      And coding is so confusing! It’s a language I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I have so much respect for the people who make their own themes from scratch!

  5. Micheline @ Lunar Rainbows Reviews

    LOL!! Oh man this was a total blast to read. Stalking bloggers, forcing opinions on others, selling your soul…all good, valuable advice XD I’ve been debating joining the rich, hipster peeps on WP for awhile now, we’ll see if/when it happens I guess…when I get rich?! haha! Oh and that second gif from the top is CREEPY O.O Gah!
    Micheline @ Lunar Rainbows Reviews recently posted…Stacking the Shelves *45*

    • Bec

      I never give anything less than good advice :P

      WordPress does cost a lot of money. But SUCH FREEDOM!

      haha that gif is of a character called The Undertaker from Black Butler. He’s hilarious.

    • Bec

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Your tip posts were great! We need the actualy helpful posts out there to help the poor souls I’ve mislead here XD

  6. Helen

    Ah, numbers 4 and 5 are a bit out of reach…. minions and opinions are things that I lack – well not the latter, but I do lack the ability to put my opinions into coherent paragraphs. And “cheapskates and halfwits”?? How DARE you! Blogger is…… FREE. Man, the best people in life are free…… (TAYLOR REFERENCE) Just kidding, I mean, I am pretty much a cheapskate and a halfwit. Step 2? Accomplished. (Not really. Just too lazy.) Step 3? IN PROGRESS. Again, CHEAPSKATE. (also broke. BROKE. B.R.O.K.E. almost to 2 Broke Girls level! 50% there!) Your design must’ve cost at least 2 souls. *applause* Dedication. (or $49 bucks – 2 souls = same thing.)
    Helen recently posted…Review: Across The Universe

    • Bec

      Coherent paragraphs are optional really. And if you struggle to get your point across there are always crazy gifs to help!

      Alise designed our blog which means we only had to give one soul XD

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