Many of you probably wonder what kind of riveting things happen in our everyday lives so we have decided to sporadically allow you a glimpse! Be excited. Whether it be a funny story or something so strange that happened we had to share it, you’re going to sit there and listen to it! Or else. This time, we’ll be talking about some funny and embarrassing things that have happened to us.
People Dreams Go to Die
Water parks are great, they combine the fun of amusement parks with water. Which are originally, an awesome combination, but at my water park it’s just pure dangerous and terrifying. And I went twice. The first time, I had the pleasure of having all my toe skin ripped off, almost drowned, and almost killed a little kid-which, coincidentally, go hand in hand. But first, let me tell you how I lost my swimsuit. The slides there are pretty old and instead of remodeling them, they just make the water pressure stronger which means you slide faster. The genius that designed the rafts left the bottoms open so your butt basically able to scrape against the bottom of the slide, it also made it easier for the water pressure to blast your pants right off. Yep, lost my bottoms.
A few years ago, they really used to go all out in their wave pool. For those of you who don’t know, a wave pool is this giant pool like thing that can create waves like the kind you surf on. They get stronger and larger the deeper you go into the pool and apparently on this day the pool manager had the waves on high because I definitely wasn’t the only one struggling to survive. I bet you’re saying, “Well, why didn’t she just get out of the wave pool, then?” Well, dear friends, here’s the thing: almost death is pretty fun. Especially when you are a teenager with other teenage friends. Anyway, once you hit a wave wrong you are pretty much screwed and will hit the rest of them wrong, making it near impossible to come up for this little thing called oxygen.
As I was scrambling to reach the surface, my lungs burning and my chest tightening (this is dramatic, no?) I felt something. I immediately grasped it and pushed it down as a way to propel myself above water. It was a small child. Of course, the kid was then submerged underwater in lieu of my own safety. In my defense, I couldn’t see or breathe so. Anyway, I got the heck out of there after that. And yes, the kid was perfectly fine.
That Week I Was a Lobster
Have you ever seen an albino person? Snow White? Imagine if they never saw a crack of light in their lives and you would know how pale I am naturally. When I tan, I burn. Back in high school I had the nickname of “Pasty White Girl” and wished to not blend in with walls for a change. I woke up early to tan outside because it gets too hot to tan in the afternoon so I was pretty sleepy. Combine sleepy with lounge = sleep. I fell asleep in the sun, on a Sunday, and my parents forced me to go to school the next day. I. Was. RED. Red like a tomato. But hey, I got a new nickname for a week. Lobster girl, Larry the Lobster, and Lobbo. Oh, kids are cruel.
Threw up in front of Best Buy
Don’t you guys like how I use pretty font to disguise the fact this section is about puke? Alright, for those of you who don’t know what Best Buy is, it’s an electronics store in the United States (pretty much the only big chain store now that Circuit City went under. Anyway, a situation arose where my friends and I had to go to Best Buy and we had just eaten at Long John Silver’s, pretty much the king of greasy fast food. Seriously, your skin and face will be practically dripping grease if you eat a meal there. I had just eaten way too much and was feeling a bit sick BEFORE I ate. Right when we were going into the store we were all laughing and the next thing I knew my inhalation of air came out with puke. Right in front of two of my male friends, I threw up on the sidewalk directly in front of the store.
Menstrual Cramps AND Food Poisoning: A Double Whammy
Ladies, you know what I’m saying here. Now just imagine adding food poisoning on top of all this:
I lost so many different bodily fluids that day, need I say more? Death. It’s what I imagined death to feel like. (Vampire Diaries quote, anyone?) On a visit to my college bookstore too. Oh, and the food poisoning was also from fast food, do you see a recurring theme here?
These are not going to be as exciting as Alise’s. I never go anywhere to do silly things. Mostly I’m just clumsy and hurt myself in ridiculous ways. Like when I managed to hit the point of my elbow, the very point, on a light switch as I was running down the hallway…
Tripping Up Stairs/Down Gutters/Over Nothing
I don’t walk like I should. Excessive laziness means I can rarely be bothered to pick my feet up. Normally I’m fine, but about once a day I’ll catch my foot on something and almost trip. I never quite face plant. Except last week. I tripped up stairs. On the way to the dining hall. Where everyone was eating. Fortunately no one was really on the stairs or looking at me (I think) and I laughed off my embarassment. It was a really funny moment. There will come a day I really trip though… Here’s hoping I can cover it up.
Putting My Hand in my Cat’s Furball. Twice. In Two Minutes
The last time I told this story I barely finished it because I was laughing to hard. Basically I was lying on my bed and put my hand on the floor to push myself up or something. Only my hand didn’t meet carpet. Something that felt like a cold banana squished under my hand. I looked down to see what it was and it was a furball. As I scramble to get away from it, I put my hand in something else soft, cold and squishy.
Yeah, there was another fur ball. My sisters and mum were laughing as I cried tears of horror (and laughter. You had to laugh). It was pretty disgusting.
And now I’m studying to be a vet so I can put my hands in worse things.
That One Time I Actually Received a Valentine’s Gift
Six years ago, when I was in year 7 at primary school, I got my fist (and only) Valentine. This is not as nice as it sounds. I had no idea it was going to be there. I just opened my bag after lunch to put my lunch box back in and there was a chocolate rose (tasted great), a card, and some other things I don’t remember. My reaction?
I didn’t understand why I of all people got one! I was freaking out, and not in a good way. Once I found out who had given it to me I freaked out even more because I didn’t like that guy at all and it was just SO WEIRD. I still don’t know why I got it or how I am supposed to react to these things Slkfshdjfskk
Getting Stuck in a Bus Door
I’m not sure if this was a dream or it actually happened, but this goes all the way back to year 5. We were on an excursion to Mount Cootha (I think that’s how you spell it…). Everyone was getting ready to leave, lining up to get onto the bus. Just as I step up the stairs, I am squeezed on both sides. I feel like I can’t breath. Turns out the automatic doors had starting closing for some reason and it really hurt. The driver got the doors open before they really crushed me, but they caused enough pain to make me cry. Then the teachers, after checking I was okay, got up me for not noticing the doors closing and told me to stop crying or something. And everyone looked at me funny when I finally got on the bus.
Well sorry for freaking out after almost being crushed. Nice pleasant end to an excursion. To this day I still hang back from bus doors and wait until there’s enough room for me to stand completely inside them before getting on.